When I post some pretty kickin’ wins on FB:
- She’s bragging again.
- Her “wins” don’t matter because she has it easy.
- She didn’t do any of those things, she’s delusional.
- She’s trying to get credit for her son’s success – like she does with everything else.
Same people, when I’m slammed with work and take a break from posting:
- No “wins” to share?
- Nothing to brag about today?
- Did she get dumped again?
- Don’t do anything. She’s trying to get attention.
So either way, I get no love from people who’s already decided they don’t like me no matter what.
Stuff like this used to bother me, especially if it came out of nowhere… but the reality is that everyone’s got their own poop to deal with.
Other people’s reaction to you is always based on how they feel about themselves and how they see the world. ALWAYS.
It might sound all self-help woo-woo, but it’s true.
So for example, if I say,
My son who just graduated from high school last year is now a senior in college. He’s recently been elected as an Executive Officer for a heart-health organization and I’m very proud of him.
There are always two distinct groups of people who respond/react to my sharing these types of news.
Group #1: People who express their positive thoughts and feelings about my son… congratulating him for his hard work and amazing results and impressed with how much he’s grown throughout the years. They’re always there to share my pride and joy as his mom, and that always means so much to me. Majority of people fit in this group.
Group #2: Small group of people take this as an attack and REACT as such. “I graduated from college when I was his age.” “That’s not hard to do. I was officer for a club in high school.”
My sharing good news about my only child (or anything else) becomes an attack on THEIR abilities and worth (pretty damb self-centered). I usually have no other contact with these people, so I definitely haven’t deliberately done anything to cause them grief.
This means it’s all on them.
And while I’m obsessively careful about how I word my messages about relationships, recovery from abuse, and self-worth, I’m not about to walk on eggshells when I share exciting news about my son (or myself) – to avoid triggering someone’s insecurities.
Because that’s EXACTLY what this sh*t’s about.
If you can’t just be happy for someone, or give credit where credit is due… and they’ve done nothing to hurt you or your family, destroy your reputation, or negatively affect your livelihood – it’s because you’re feeling directly or indirectly threatened.
THAT’S IT. Get that taken cared of, please.
And if you’re constantly on the receiving end of this sorry behavior, learn how to NOT take it personally, because it really is not about you. Read The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz (specifically chapters 2-5) to help you release ownership of other people’s choices.
Other people’s reaction to you isn’t FACT. They’re opinions which they’re entitled to. And your interpretation of what others communicate about you ISN’T fact either… but it eventually becomes a belief, so choose wisely what you choose to believe about yourself.
You don’t have to own other people’s baggage… let them carry their own damb bags.
Single-momma, certified cognitive behavioral coach practitioner, toxic relationship recovery coach, religion teacher, best selling author, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse.
Living la vida loca in Vegas with my favorite human… pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and bubble tea!